Marriage Equality: One Year Later

One year ago this weekend, I was married to my partner of 23 years. I'm celebrating this first anniversary, feeling joy, anger, disappointment, and hope.

Joy, because I am married to a wonderful man with so much love to share.

Anger, because of last year's Prop 8 election result, and the California Supreme Court's subsequent upholding of the stripping away of a right from a group, because a slim majority of the public wanted it so.

Disappointment, because while I am still legally married (the Court didn't nullify my marriage), I feel a bit like a freed slave. I have my rights, but my brothers and sisters in my community don't have theirs.

And hope. Hope, because today is Coming Out Day and tomorrow, thousands will march in Washington and elsewhere, for equality ... demanding equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states.

If you want to see what a gay wedding looks like (well, my gay wedding anyway), click on the video links below.


Part 1 is the ceremony.


Part 2 is the reception.

Moving and ordinary at the same time. I've been married one year as of Sunday, October 11. And the world hasn't wobbled off of its axis. The sanctity, validity, and meaning of hetero-marriages in California weren't threatened by my marriage.

Glad to celebrate. Sad that others don't have the same right.

Equal protection, as guaranteed under the 14th Amendment. We will accept no less and will work until it is achieved. We should not have to beg or bargain for the right to work our jobs and go to school free of harassment and discrimination, the right to safety in our daily lives, the right to equitable healthcare, the right to marry, and the right to serve in the military openly.

The Night Before the Eve of the Oral Arguments

Tomorrow night, Wednesday, I'll be part of a candle-light march from San Francisco's Castro neighborhood to the Civic Center where the California Supreme Court is located.

Then, on Thursday, I'll be in front of the Supreme Court, witnessing the oral arguments on Proposition 8.

Gay and lesbian couples briefly enjoyed the freedom to marry in California. My husband, Kevin, and I were married on October 11, 2008. It was an incredibly special day, but we were just one of some 18,000 happy couples who were married from June 16 - November 4.

The celebration turned to bittersweet sadness in the wake of the historic November election. Cheers on Tuesday night when President Obama was elected; tears on Wednesday morning when it became clear California voters passed Proposition 8. The measure -- with a bare majority of 52% -- revised the California constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry.

I know that most readers of this blog are pretty generally sympathetic to my position; you might not, though, understand how profoundly I've been affected by this vote. If you were told you couldn't marry the person you loved -- how would you feel? How would that change your relationship with the person you love so much that you can't live without? How would it change your future plans? How would it change your life?

Just as bad: what if you had gotten married and someone tried to take it away?

Kevin and I are in a committed, trusting and loving relationship. The state of California recognized the relationship as a marriage, giving it the dignity such commitment deserves. And then it was ripped away. So ... we are fighting for our rights.

The argument is that Proposition 8 is invalid because the initiative (ballot) process was inappropriately used in an attempt to undo the constitution's core commitment to equality for everyone -- by eliminating a fundamental right from just one group -- gay and lesbian Californians. It's not right to allow the majority to vote to take rights from a minority. That's why we have a constitution to protect everyone equally, including minorities. Discrimination is wrong no matter wherever it appears. Today, it's marriage. What's next?

The passage of Proposition 8 hurt our family. Not just Kevin and me -- but my mother-in-law, our siblings, our nieces and nephews. One of the joys of our wedding was seeing how meaningful it was for all of our family members, far and wide.

It's not for me to judge other people, but I confess I do not understand the hate that fuels those who disapprove of my marriage. I know that most of the readers of this blog are straight. I invite you to talk to others about this issue. Take advantage of the moment -- the news coverage that will occur -- to speak with people you know. Let them know where you stand. And please hold a good thought as the California Supreme Court deliberates in the coming days. Thank you.