Sad day for marriage equality. But now I'm moving on to the next skirmish.

So the people of Maine have voted. And 53% get to take away the civil liberties of a minority.

Deja vu, all over again. In October 2008, my husband and I got married. We had made huge (for us) contributions to the No on 8 campaign. I worked my heart out as a volunteer on that one -- can't even guess how many phone calls I made. Then, it was just a year ago today that we went to the polls in California. Election day was spent staffing a "get-out-the-vote" hub. Woke up the next morning to find that Prop 8 passed, also with a slim majority.

I remember the hurt. I remember the tears. I remember the anger.

And today, I feel it all over again.

Last year, the election results awakened me, motivated me to become much more involved in my community at an unprecedented level. The results from Maine simply reinvigorate that commitment.

I still do not understand how equality can be put to a popular vote. The majority MUST not define the rights of a minority. That's the real outrage. Time after time, my rights and full equality under the law are being put to a popular vote.

Now the fault-finding and finger-pointing will begin. Sure, I'm filled with anger at the National Organization for Marriage and the Catholic church. And at a President who could have said something and didn't. But hold on a minute.

Based on the numbers, voters at the polls in Maine voted against their gay family and friends. How? Why? Is it really possible that all of those people voted to strip rights away from LGBT friends? Could they really have voted against people they love? I can't believe that.

I believe that, when people know us, it's far more difficult to vote against us. Which is why my own community -- despite the temptation of blaming others -- really needs to examine itself. Harvey Milk told us years ago: "Come out, come out, wherever you are." We’re a community; we need to act more like a community. Until we really start caring about what happens to each and every one of us, nothing will change for any of us.

We need to continue to reach out so that real people get to know the real us. Now is not the time to fight hate with hate. Hearts and minds are changed through honest, heartfelt discussion. I believe this. I must believe this.

It's time to reveal ourselves as the love-filled people we are. Let them know us. One-by-one. Face-to-face.

Yes, hurt, tearful, and angered. And the fight will go on.

Marriage Equality: One Year Later

One year ago this weekend, I was married to my partner of 23 years. I'm celebrating this first anniversary, feeling joy, anger, disappointment, and hope.

Joy, because I am married to a wonderful man with so much love to share.

Anger, because of last year's Prop 8 election result, and the California Supreme Court's subsequent upholding of the stripping away of a right from a group, because a slim majority of the public wanted it so.

Disappointment, because while I am still legally married (the Court didn't nullify my marriage), I feel a bit like a freed slave. I have my rights, but my brothers and sisters in my community don't have theirs.

And hope. Hope, because today is Coming Out Day and tomorrow, thousands will march in Washington and elsewhere, for equality ... demanding equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states.

If you want to see what a gay wedding looks like (well, my gay wedding anyway), click on the video links below.


Part 1 is the ceremony.


Part 2 is the reception.

Moving and ordinary at the same time. I've been married one year as of Sunday, October 11. And the world hasn't wobbled off of its axis. The sanctity, validity, and meaning of hetero-marriages in California weren't threatened by my marriage.

Glad to celebrate. Sad that others don't have the same right.

Equal protection, as guaranteed under the 14th Amendment. We will accept no less and will work until it is achieved. We should not have to beg or bargain for the right to work our jobs and go to school free of harassment and discrimination, the right to safety in our daily lives, the right to equitable healthcare, the right to marry, and the right to serve in the military openly.