Marriage Equality: One Year Later

One year ago this weekend, I was married to my partner of 23 years. I'm celebrating this first anniversary, feeling joy, anger, disappointment, and hope.

Joy, because I am married to a wonderful man with so much love to share.

Anger, because of last year's Prop 8 election result, and the California Supreme Court's subsequent upholding of the stripping away of a right from a group, because a slim majority of the public wanted it so.

Disappointment, because while I am still legally married (the Court didn't nullify my marriage), I feel a bit like a freed slave. I have my rights, but my brothers and sisters in my community don't have theirs.

And hope. Hope, because today is Coming Out Day and tomorrow, thousands will march in Washington and elsewhere, for equality ... demanding equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states.

If you want to see what a gay wedding looks like (well, my gay wedding anyway), click on the video links below.


Part 1 is the ceremony.


Part 2 is the reception.

Moving and ordinary at the same time. I've been married one year as of Sunday, October 11. And the world hasn't wobbled off of its axis. The sanctity, validity, and meaning of hetero-marriages in California weren't threatened by my marriage.

Glad to celebrate. Sad that others don't have the same right.

Equal protection, as guaranteed under the 14th Amendment. We will accept no less and will work until it is achieved. We should not have to beg or bargain for the right to work our jobs and go to school free of harassment and discrimination, the right to safety in our daily lives, the right to equitable healthcare, the right to marry, and the right to serve in the military openly.

Is My Marriage Annulled Yet?

I just finished watching the oral arguments before the California State Supreme Court. I haven't seen the "spin" from all of the marriage equality organizations -- and the Court, of course, hasn't issued its decision (and won't for awhile yet).

But I confess to a deeply unsettling sense of dread. Before today, I could not conceive how our side's argument could be denied. Now, I'm afraid it is entirely possible not only that the discrimination that is Prop 8 will be enshrined in the constituion, but that my marriage will be retroactively made non-existent. I won't shed a tear yet -- that would be premature and hopefully not necessary in the end. But, I'm having a hard time feeling optimistic at this moment.

Yesterday was different.

Estimates vary, but let's just say a LOT of people showed up under rain-threatening skies to walk from Castro's Harvey Milk Plaza to the Civic Center last night.

I was there. I was caught up in the emotions. A very diverse crowd. Young (infants, toddlers, kids, teens) and old (well, for example, I was there -- lol). Rich and poor. Committed citizens trying to make their voices heard. .
. I was kept busy as a volunteer from 4 p.m. on ... getting supplies of signs to the site, wrapping duct tape around sign handles to prevent splinters, and distributing electronic candles in clear plastic cups (see the pic of me, captured from a YouTube video, hawking the candles to people at the top of the MUNI station stairs. If you want, click on the photo to watch the video).

The rally included short comments from religious and community organizations, leaders of the many marriage equality groups, and even some celebrities (Hal Sparks of HBO's Queer As Folk is a short guy! and Cleve Jones is getting older).

And then marching as part of a throng, headed down Market Street toward the Civic Center. It was inspiring and uplifting. Every once in awhile, I'd pause to take a pic on my cell phone or send a text message to a friend who was feeling bad to have missed it all.

The program on the steps of San Francisco's City Hall included comments from the legal team and friend of the court representatives. Their cautionary tone was my first hint that it wasn't necessarily prudent to be confident.

Overall, though, it was all very positive. All very good. And hopefully some of the sentiment seeped into the consciousness of the judges who will ultimately issue their decision.

Now, at this moment, I can't help but connect the contrast in feelings between yesterday and today to the eerily reminiscent feelings between election day (working the polls to get out the vote = high optimism) and Wednesday, Nov. 5 (waking up to discover that "the people" had seen fit to rip my rights away). Perhaps I'll feel differently later. But for now -- not good.

OK now, end of rant. Whatever the outcome ... the fight for equality goes on, as it must.