Personal blindspots: Doing what's in front of me to do, NOW

Confession time: There is part of me that LIKES complicated. The first time I heard about the KISS principle (the acronym meaning "Keep It Simple Stupid"), I HATED the idea.

I mean, I do get it in concept. Even I don't want to get bogged down in detail, or pursue the rabbit trail toward needless complexity.

But we've got a complicated world to deal with. It moves fast, and we try to tame it by creating process to codify and standardize.

My temperment naturally tips toward complicated over simple. Give me the chance, and I'll tend to create a flowchart or multi-step approach to address the most basic issues. But time and again, I'm reminded ... often painfully ... that simple and direct is better.

And it's taken me years to understand why that is.

Too often, my first impulse is to create a new system, invent a new rule, form a new standard. Too often that urge is, in reality, a ... (wait, I'm about to get the words out): ... a delaying tactic. There, I've said it.

For example, now is the right time to approach a likely supporter and say:

We're working on an issue/problem you care about. Here's how we approach our top priorities. Will you join in our cause?

Instead I'm tempted to say "a little more research is needed," "let's do one more cultivation move," or "today might not be the best time so let's wait for a few weeks."

Over the years, I've taught myself to catch myself doing this, and I usually do. Long ago I pledged that I would attend no more meetings with prospects where, at the end, the prospect is left to wonder "why didn't they ask?"

But my personal blindspot becomes glaring when I see it manifested in others. (Isn't that always the way?)

So ...

One of the best values I offer to others in my consulting is to be hyper-sensitive to delaying tactics, no matter how cleverly disguised or manifested. I'm always pressing to get people to admit that the time is now. My magic question: "What is it that we need to know about this person's ability or interests or motivation, that can be known, before we can make the ask?" Almost always, their answer: "Nothing." The inescapable conclusion: it is time to ask.

It sounds obvious.

But, clever procrastinators that we are, we can almost always find an expert reference from "the book" that says that we should cultivate before asking. So it always seems easier to cultivate, cultivate, cultivate, cultivate ad nauseum.

After stripping away all the excuses, we're left with a classic case of call reluctance. Get over it!

Too many opportunities are missed because we get wrapped up in procedures that we've created as stalling tactics in the name of building relationship. And then we fail to recognize that the moment is right. Done right, asking for the gift is the BEST way to build relationship. 99 times out of 100, the time to ask is NOW.

Optimism, Competence, and Call Reluctance: 5 Suggestions

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -- Winston Churchill


Optimism is the belief that things will work out for the best, that we'll generally experience good outcomes in life. I find that most people involved in community benefit work are, at their core, optimists.

I just finished doing some research on procrastination. (Been trying to get around to it for awhile now - ha ha.) Consulted an article from Psychology Today which talks about self-regulation as it relates to an optimistic outlook.

Point is: those who are generally optimistic are deterred less by implementation challenges over which there's a strong amount of personal control.

Stated another way: When the problem is "you," you can better overcome "you" if you are in an optimistic frame of mind.

During my consultation and coaching sessions -- whether one-on-one or in a group -- we always get to the planning of next steps. This generally translates to "Get out from behind my desk and make some visits with donors." And the issue of obstacles almost always arises.

Sometimes -- in anticipation that self-defeating behaviors will arise to block implementation of the plan -- I'll ask the client: "What's your typical defense that seems to defeat your pursuit of goals through procrastination?"

First responses include: my boss throws another urgent priority at me, my co-workers interrupt me, my phone rings.

If I dig deeper, and when the client is in a forthright mood, I'll hear: "I answer my email, check Facebook and Twitter, work on assignments that I enjoy more, chat with others in the office."

So, when led to reflect on it, the otherwise-well-intended staff person admits, at least to self, sometimes to the coach, "I know I said I was going to make this visit. But I just can't get started. I'm worried how it will turn out. Since this stuff is still new to me, I'm not sure I'm very good at it. And so, even though I KNOW I should, I don't complete the task."

That's the odd thing: most people know they are engaging in self-defeating behavior when they're doing it.

Five suggestions when you find yourself in that space:

1. Remind yourself that you are an optimist at heart; that you see the glass as half full, not half empty. (Research shows that optimistic mindsets help overcome implementation challenges.)

2. Break the task into piece-parts. "Make a visit" can become "call to arrange a time," "prepare for the visit," "go on the visit itself," and "follow-up on the visit." Then, rather than procrastinate on the whole, re-frame the task so that your accountability is to do just the first step.

3. Change how you state your implementation intention on your To Do list. Instead of "Call Mrs. Jones to arrange a time to visit," write "Do not check email until I've called Mrs. Jones."

4. Remember that practice is required before you'll feel more competent. In the meantime, write an affirmation about your competence at this task: "I am getting better and better at making donor visits. I already know WHAT to do, and can do WHAT IT TAKES to be successful. I love my time spent one-on-one with donors. I have every reason to believe I can effectively interact with our donor, who is, after all, a friend of our organization. I can expect this to go well."

5. Ahead of time, plan your response to the emotional anxiety that you know you'll encounter sometime during the task. "When I begin to feel overwhelmed, which I expect to feel just as I'm picking up the phone, I will simply take it one step at a time and keep my focus on the very first step of getting started."

Many of us are self-reflective and self-examining enough to be able to predict with some accuracy what avoidance techniques we'll use to postpone a task we don't feel comfortable with. Knowing this, it becomes a matter of building our own personal plan of attack in anticipation of the obstacles (rather than wait for them to arise).

Now, stop reading this blog and go do what you've been procrastinating about!